Why Kim Caldwell, coach of the Lady Vols, feels she has a “double life” since having a son
Kim Caldwell, the head coach of the Lady Vols, has always been a figure of admiration within the world of collegiate sports. As a coach, she’s led her teams to success, inspiring players with her commitment, strategy, and passion for the game. Off the court, she has been an equally inspiring figure, known for her dedication to balancing family, career, and personal well-being. However, since becoming a mother, Kim Caldwell has found herself living what she describes as a “double life”—an experience that has reshaped both her professional and personal worlds.
For a long time, women in coaching were expected to sacrifice personal life for career success, and Caldwell’s situation—managing the demanding responsibilities of coaching at the highest level while raising a young son—has only amplified the challenges women in sports continue to face. Through her journey as a mother and a coach, Caldwell has had to navigate the intense pressure of living up to the demanding standards of a professional coach, while also meeting the needs of a growing family. The conflict between these worlds has led her to reflect on the nature of her identity, her career, and the balancing act that comes with both.
A Lifelong Commitment to Coaching
Kim Caldwell has always been dedicated to coaching and athletics. Growing up, she had a natural love for sports, excelling in multiple disciplines and eventually going on to play for the University of Tennessee. From her playing days to her early years as an assistant coach, Caldwell built a reputation as someone deeply committed to the success of her athletes. She was known for her attention to detail, her understanding of the game, and her ability to inspire players to achieve their best.
Becoming the head coach of the Lady Vols marked the pinnacle of her career. The position offered the kind of platform she had always dreamed of: the chance to lead one of the most storied programs in the country. But even as she basked in her professional success, there was always a part of her that yearned for something more. When Caldwell gave birth to her son, it was clear that her life would change in ways she hadn’t fully anticipated.
The Arrival of Her Son: The Start of the “Double Life”
Becoming a mother for the first time marked a transformative shift for Caldwell. For years, her career had been her primary focus. Coaching demanded time, energy, and a level of attention that left little room for anything else. Yet, when her son arrived, Caldwell was immediately immersed in the world of motherhood, and she found herself torn between two very distinct identities: that of the coach and that of the mother.
Before having her son, Caldwell had always been able to fully dedicate herself to her work. Her days were meticulously planned around her coaching duties, from training sessions to team meetings, recruiting, and preparing for games. But motherhood brought with it new priorities—sleep deprivation, the constant needs of a newborn, and the emotional challenges of caring for a child while maintaining a high-level career. It was at this point that she began to feel like she was living a “double life,” constantly switching between the role of a coach who needed to focus on her team’s success and the role of a mother who needed to nurture and care for her son.
This constant switching became exhausting. On the one hand, Caldwell felt the pressure to perform as a coach and lead her team to victory. On the other hand, she had to take time away from the sport to bond with her son and fulfill her duties as a mother. The balancing act was overwhelming. There were moments when she questioned whether she was giving enough attention to either role, and whether she could truly excel in both without feeling drained or unfulfilled.
The Strain of Juggling Both Worlds
As a mother and a coach, Caldwell often found herself feeling guilty, torn between the demands of her two roles. She would leave the gym after long hours of practice, her mind still buzzing with strategies and game plans, only to return home to her son’s needs. In the early days of motherhood, this meant late-night feedings, interrupted sleep, and the challenge of being present for her son when all she wanted was to rest.
“I’ve often thought of it as having a double life,” Caldwell shared in a recent interview. “I’m one person when I’m in the gym, and I’m a completely different person when I’m at home with my son. It can feel like two worlds colliding sometimes.”
In the professional realm, Caldwell had always been expected to show up fully for her players and her team, to be at the top of her game without distraction. But motherhood didn’t allow for this kind of focus. Her son needed her in ways that she couldn’t ignore. Yet, on the court, she had to remain sharp and focused, her players counting on her guidance. The expectation to be fully “on” at all times—whether on the sideline or in the home—was a heavy burden to bear.
Caldwell, like many women in coaching, also faced the societal expectation that she should excel in all areas of life. The assumption was that she could—and should—be an exceptional mother while also being a successful, highly driven coach. This weight of expectation made it difficult for Caldwell to admit that the balancing act was hard, and at times, overwhelming.
“Sometimes I feel like I’m not being the best version of either myself or my son,” Caldwell confided. “I have to remind myself that I’m doing the best I can, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m failing when I’m torn between two very demanding roles.”
The Challenges of Public Expectations
For Caldwell, another layer of complexity is the public’s perception of women in leadership roles in sports. As a female head coach, she has often faced a higher standard in terms of performance and presence. Her success on the court has been scrutinized, but so has her ability to manage her personal life. When Caldwell was pregnant, some members of the public raised questions about her ability to juggle motherhood and coaching, something that is often unspoken but undeniably present for many women in high-pressure careers. While male coaches rarely face the same scrutiny when they have children, female coaches like Caldwell often find themselves under an additional layer of pressure, both to succeed professionally and to fulfill the traditional expectations of motherhood.
The societal idea of the “perfect mother” and the “perfect coach” can be unforgiving. Caldwell faced challenges that her male counterparts didn’t, particularly the pressure to be both a passionate coach and a nurturing mother, each role with its own set of expectations. The idea of “having it all” became a difficult standard to live up to. The constant balancing of priorities left Caldwell struggling with the feeling that she wasn’t living up to either ideal in the way she would like.
The Emotional Toll of the Double Life
The emotional toll of Caldwell’s double life was something she hadn’t fully anticipated. The early days of motherhood were a whirlwind of sleepless nights and emotional adjustment. As she navigated the challenges of being a new mom while managing a demanding coaching career, Caldwell also had to contend with the weight of her own emotions—feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and fatigue.
“It was emotionally exhausting at times,” Caldwell explained. “There were days when I was so tired that I couldn’t think straight. There were moments where I felt like I was failing both as a coach and as a mother, and that was really tough to handle.”
While her son’s love and the joy of motherhood brought tremendous fulfillment, the emotional rollercoaster also required a great deal of mental fortitude. Her son would often require attention just when she needed a break, and balancing the physical demands of motherhood with the mental demands of coaching became a constant challenge. For Caldwell, there was no clear separation between these two worlds—she couldn’t simply shut off one part of herself to focus on the other.
Finding a Path Forward: Embracing the Double Life
While Caldwell has had her share of struggles, she has also learned to embrace her “double life.” Over time, she has found a better way to navigate the complexity of her dual roles. One of the most important lessons she’s learned is the importance of flexibility. She realized that, like her coaching strategy, life required adjustments on the fly. Some days, her career took precedence, while other days, her family needed her more. Caldwell has grown to understand that both roles—mother and coach—are a part of who she is, and that there is no “perfect” balance. She has accepted that some days will be harder than others, but that doesn’t mean she is failing.
“Living a double life doesn’t mean being perfect,” Caldwell said. “It means giving yourself grace and understanding that you’re doing the best you can. There will be moments of frustration, and there will be moments of joy, and I have to embrace both.”
Her perspective has shifted from trying to achieve perfect balance to accepting that there will always be some level of tension between these roles. As Caldwell continues to navigate her coaching career and motherhood, she has found strength in vulnerability, learning to communicate her needs and set boundaries when necessary. She has also found support from her colleagues, team, and family, recognizing that it takes a village to make both worlds work.
